This Sunday is Mother's Day. At the risk of sounding incredibly selfish, Mother's Day has never meant more to me than it has in these past two years. What? That's ok, right? What I mean is I have never fully comprehended the capacity of love, the love a parent (a Mother in particular) has for their child until July 16, 2012 @ 10:06pm. Everything that has made me a Mother is so beautiful and so worth it.
That includes my miscarriage. Tragedies happen for a reason, God knows what He is doing. It's in my opinion that having suffered that loss has made me a better Mother than I would have been and appreciate Carter even more than I already would have. He's my blessing. My gift. My promise fulfilled. I feel like I know what it feels like to lose a child so I think about "what if I lost him".... and that makes me hold on tighter. That can sometimes not be so good...I will need to let go eventually. Let him stay at grandma and grandpas house for a night, a couple of nights, eventually a week. Oh my goodness, ok, I need to move on.
I can now really celebrate my own Mother and really mean it, you know? If she loves me even half as much as I love Carter I don't see how her heart hasn't burst open by now. To love your child is almost painful. My heart sometimes feels so full it hurts, literally hurts. I worry. I cry. I pray. I worry some more. I cry some more. I laugh. I worry again...it's quite the emotional roller coaster.
My Mom did all the same things with me. She had to watch me make mistakes. She had to watch me get my heart broken. Knowing it would happen but letting me see for myself and learn from it. Then she watched me cry and cried with me. She watched me conquer my fears. She watched me struggle. She watched me and was right there beside me through everything. Eventually she watched me walk down the aisle and watched me drive off to start my new life without her. She's still apart of my life but it's because of her that I was ready to face the challenges of my new life. A Wife and a Mother.
Abraham Lincoln once said, "All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."
Truer words were never spoken. Where would any of us be without our Mother's? Well, still in the womb for one. That would be weird. I think of her constant reminders, advice, tips, stories, words of encouragement, and everything she has instilled in me and I can't help but be grateful. I'm blessed to still have my Mother in my life. I celebrate her. I celebrate what she has given me over the years and continues to give me.
At home I will celebrate the little boy that made me a Momma. The same little boy that's got his Momma's spunky personality and eyes & his Daddy's curls and dimples. Justin and I talk all the time about how unbelievable Carter is. Neither of us could have ever imagined or dreamed him. That just goes to show you God's love. It's so unbelievable, incomprehensible and unconditional. Much like a Mother's Love.
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